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Friday, June 30, 2006
F**k you la Grace Loh....go and drop dead and burn in hell man. You think you are GTS Head's PA you are several notches above others is it? Face it, you are not the BOSS. You are only the BOSS' PA-BOSS' DOG ! If you are so capable you won't be only the PA! You'd be sitting in one of those glass cubicles already!
You goddam F**king B!tch. Go rot in hell man
*| 7:17 PM |*
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
歌曲名 苏芮 - 酒干倘卖无
词：罗大佑 候德健 曲：候德健 酒干倘卖唔 酒干倘卖唔 酒干倘卖唔 酒干倘卖唔 多么熟悉的声音 陪我多少年风和雨 从来不需要想起 永远也不会忘记 没有天那有地 没有地那有家 没有家那有你 没有你那有我 假如你不曾养育我 给我温暖的生活 假如你不曾保护我 我的命运将会是什么 是你抚养我长大 陪我说第一句话 是你给我一个家 让我与你共同拥有它 虽然你不能开口说一句话 却更能明白人世间的黑白与真假 虽然你不会表达你的真情 却付出了热忱的生命 远处传来你多么熟悉的声音 让我想起你多么慈祥的心灵 什么时候你再回到我身旁 让我再和你一起唱 酒干倘卖唔 酒干倘卖唔 酒干倘卖唔 酒干倘卖唔
*| 10:10 AM |*
Friday, May 05, 2006
It is particularly sad, frustrating and upsetting to have euphemism of a similar nature thrown right at your face, not once, but TWICE, in a matter of 3 days. It sucks real bad when you know u deserve the grade, but u end up with a lower grade. It hurts even more when the fact that you deserve a better grade comes not from you but your Professor.
Euphemistic email 1:
Hi,
After very carefully considering all the grades, grade weightage and structure across both sessions I have decided to keep your grade as is. A lot of other students are in the same situation. However, I had to differentiate between the A's and A+' s. Those who actually ended up with an A+ are the ones who performed better in both exams than you did (Their exam average is 89 - 93, compared to yours which is 85 and they also had slightly higher project grades). Your overall average actually is 84.40. Even if I give you an extra point and make it an 85 that still is within the A range.
Anyway, you still have a well-deserved excellent grade and I always consider you among the best of my students academically. -->If A+ is the best grade possible, and I'm among the best, shouldn't I get my A+??
All the best, keep in touch.
It hurts not because I asked for the review,but because you said that you were considering pushing me up. It was a case of giving me hope, and then cruelly sending me back down to ground state. Well-deserved excellent grade? U mean I deserve only an A?I can't believe it when you yourself said that I was an A+ student.
Euphemistic mail 2:
Hi ,
I know you would ask this question as I payed extra attention when assigning your grade. Your mid-term (32.5) and final (33) papers are above the class averages, which are 30.5 and 31.5, respectively, which put you around B+ but with a chance of getting an A-. You receive 9/8/7/8 for your case studies and presentation, which is below the class average of 34.8. I know you have put in a lot of efforts in group assignments, but they are the collective performance of the group. Somehow your group do not work hard enough compared to other groups. I hope you're not discouraged by your grade from this course. With your persistence, I am sure you would do well in your pursuit.
Take care
This is one bloody heavy price to pay for this lesson: Never work with people whom are not tested.WHy? You really are venturing into unknown waters here and it's your grades that are at stake here. Not theirs. WHy? Cos they simply suck anyway, evident from test sscores. This bloody thing cost me my place in the Dean's List. U all damn good. U all make me die. For u all, it doesnt matter cos the tests are going to kill you all anyway. But I am different ya.
In this case, why did the Prof end up divulging a lot more info that I asked for? Did she say it to make me feel better? Or was it really the truth and nothing but the truth? Well, I dunno. The truth really cuts. U hope that I won't be discouraged? U are sure that with my persistence I'd do well? What makes u so sure that I won't simply breakdown and give up everything? I aint as strong as I appear/what you think I am.
Honestly, what I want are not these nice-worded emails. What matters to me are only the grades. Nothing else matters. To hell with the rest. I want to move on. But the moment the realiszation that the consequences are going to stick with me for a long time,I can't help but feel the anger, sadness and pain. I want to move on,but it simply hurts too much to know that I am going to have to pay for this somewhat. In terms of career prospects, in terms of self-esteem. I think it'll have done my ego a lot of good if she didnt tell me all the other stuff. U wanted to make me feel better, but you just pushed me into a neverending abyss of darkness.
*| 3:27 AM |*
Thursday, March 30, 2006
I do not think I am an aggressive person by nature, but I think sometimes I do show quite a bit of displacement of frustration, especially during weeks 10-12 of the term when I **ALWAYS** feel so sussed out by that neverending projects (sometimes even sucky team members).
Inevitably, I sometimes take it out on my beloved boyfriend, only to regret it later because he'd not be very happy too, and sometimes we quarrel.
This time, I think I have become wiser. There was one night when I was working on my Analysis of Financial Statements project, I was particularly pissed with one of my groupmates for the horrible piece of work that she did. Before I spoke to my boyfriend on the phone (he called)I took a deep breath and told myself, "Relax, and don't flare up at him cos it has absolutely nothing to do with him."
I went to the phone, and told him "I am in no mood to talk to you right now, for I am really pissed with my groupmates for screwing up". He said something that really made me feel special, "Can you let me do something before you go? Let me give you a big hug so that you'd feel better." :)
*| 5:23 AM |*
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Thought that this was a pretty interesting case of deindividuation via the Internet. Although I think I mentioned the case in class nothing beats reading the email corresondence.
This is an email that I got about a year ago from one Professor:
Dear students,
Fact of life 1: Most people tend to over-estimate their performance. For example, I think I am an above-average instructor in SMU. However, the truth is that students' evaulations don't support this psychological thinking. So, take my advice: Don't over-estimate and self-create unhappiness.
Fact of life 2: Hard work is a necessary condition to excel. But hard work alone is not sufficient to guarantee excellence. Take my advice: Don't think that you put in efforts and therefore deserve a higher grade. Take a look at the very hard-working workers. I can assure you that there are endless stories told about hardwork but don't get the pay rise or promotion.
Fact of life 3: Despite acrimonious and personal criticisms I received for the mid term and probably end-of-course evaluations, I am generous in giving you marks for class participation, individual persentations and project reports. I am also very generous to give all students two marks for the last question in the final test. So take my advice: Don't spoil my generosity.
Fact of life 4: You have until 30 April 2005 to review your grades. I have taken pain to make sure that the grades are fair, error-free and commensurate with your ability and performance.
Fact of life 5: In finance, the no-free-lunch or no-arbitrage principle applies. If you want a review of your grade, I will also review less generously your class participation, the two marks for the last question, the project reports etc. There is a possibility that review requests may result in lower grades.
Thank you and take care.
Some two months later, all of us, the Professor included, received this email from a person called JR Liew via a yahoo email account:
Dear Professor,Fact of life 1:You are not incorrect to assume that most people over-estimate their performance. In fact, self-evaluations only do not correlate strongly nor reflect fairly on actual performance. Hoewever, such self-serving bias is functional in ego protection. Contrary to your reasoning, overestimating of one self does not create self-unhappiness. Failing to do so does.Fact of life 2: If you work hard just to get a promotion or a pay raise, you are in the wrong job. It is little wonder you fail to achieve despite all your efforts. Lament not what others do for you, but what u do for yourself.Fact of life 3: a) Comments and criticisms are part of life. Rather than be sore about it, channel your energy towards accepting them and changing your attitude and behavior. b) The purpose of a feedback system is so that everyone can be honest in assessment. I am sure the school did not create a feedback system just for students to praise instructors. For your case at least, the feedback system would be grossly under-used if it did.Fact of life 4: I am glad to know that you have taken pain to ensure the fairness of our grades. It is your job. You have proven yourself to be very worthy of the huge pay you pocket every month funded by our exorbitant school fees.Fact of life 5: Finance principles are finance principles. Grade reviews are grade reviews. Just because it is a finance module does not mean u apply finance principles to the grading system. By your reasoning, i would assume that if it were a social work module, the needy can therefore apply for 'grade aids'.Have a great week ahead.
Regards.
Not long after receivign this email, we again received an email from a student called Liew Jiarong (note the initials, JR Liew. They correspond) who was saying that the email was not sent by him. Well, the Internet certainly leads to increased deindividuation.But is it necessarily bad? Not in such cases, for I felt that there was nothing wrong with what the student wrote about the Professor for there was no offensive remark made. [But as to whether who was the one who wrote it remains a big mystery still]. If it were really the case that someone else borrowed his initials, then perhaps that is irresponsible. But then again, that person took care to send that email only in June, long after the results have been sent to the Registrar' s Office so we needn't fear any repercussions [that our grades will be affected by this email that openly opposed the Professor] Deindividuation via the internet allows people to air their views more freely, and I certainly do feel much mroe at ease writing about my innermost thoughts through this blog cos for one, I sometiems am not comfortable with face-to-face communication. But there is the bad side of it too. Think of the date rapes that occur when girls meet in person the guys that they get to know online. Sometiems you hear of some middle-aged man pretending to be some teenaged guy, lure the girls out and then rape them etc.
Deindividuation via the internet is not a bad thing provided the person is responsible enough to not propagate undersirable content, and that the person possess the moral integrity to not use the Internet as a means to do illegal/immoral acts
*| 5:41 AM |*
Despite possessing knowledge about the fundamental attribution error, I still am guilty of committing it.
One of the most recent and vivid events was when you sent out an email regarding the seminar by Dr Diana Robertson, saying that it was something related to neuroscience. I checked out the website and saw the synopsis, which said that it was on corporate social responsibility. My automatic thinking took over, and I was thinking, " Is she out of her mind??How in the world is CSR relevant to Psychology? Sheesh..." [Sorry for having this rather unceremonious thought :)]
But subsequently when I realised that it was a result of some misleading email contents forwarded, I was feeling rather guilty.
What I feel is that sometimes, people pass scathing remarks about others without realising the situation that caused the other person to behave in a certain manner. Then upon realising the situation, it is too late because the damage is already done. Perhaps it's not unreasonable to say that before passing a judgment about others, we should pause and find out more before passing the comment because more often than not passing scathing remarks can be detrimental to relationships.
*| 5:12 AM |*
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
As I was prowling the net for blogs a couple of days back, I chanced upon a blog by that of a Chemistry teacher who's currently teaching in the high school (or JC as we call it here) I graduated from. While reading the entries, well, I could not help but recall the bleak and miserable 2 years I spent there. True, I was from the no.1 JC. But my life there was far from smooth-sailing.
At that time, I was trying very hard for my Chemistry which really fascinated me a lot. It was a subject that I loved. For 2 years, even though I studied very hard for Chemistry I was failing throughout, including the school exam that I had before the A levels. I did my homework religiously, I read my notes thorougly, but to no avail. Initially, my belief was this: If I still failed, then it means that I haven't put in enough effort, so let me work harder and I'd definitely pass the next test. That happened over and over again, until one day, my teacher told me, " You are one conscientious and hardworking student, but I don't understand why you keep failing."
That really got me thinking: If I still fail despite working so hard, that it obviously has got something to do with my intelligence. And yes, there was a short period of time ( if I didn't remember wrongly, it lasted for less than a month or so) I really could not be bothered to do anything. I didn't do my work anymore, and neither was I paying that much attention to the lessons. To me, it didn't make a difference anymore, whether or not I did my work if I was going to get an F eventually for the next time. As mentioned earlier, I snapped out of that after a month or so. I really can't explain what made me snap out of it. Emotionally and physically, I was exhausted. I really felt like snapping. On the other hand, there was something within me that kept me going. I just found that I really could not give it up. So from then on, I was just studying (and still failing along the way) but I simply didn't harbor any hopes of passing (much less acing it).
Well I got my A for it eventually for the A levels. You might be speculating that I'd be very happy that I aced it. On the contrary, I was not happy at all. I felt like an utter idiot, for I was thinking, why is it that I have to take such a long and arduous path to ace it, while the others simply breezed through it? I felt, and still feel, that my effort was totally unjustified. Going by what the dissonance theory (effort justification) says, I am guessing that at that time when I got the results I should have "liked" my grade a lot. But well, on the contrary I somehow didn't/
Well, the 2 years caused a huge dent in my self-esteem, and it was not until not too long ago (about a year or so) that I "recovered" (My freshie grades were pretty sucky since I was stuck with stuff I hated and thought was a sheer waste of time.) But I guess, somehow or rather, that whole experience will leave a sense of bitterness within. It somehow is rather hard to put that feeling and experience down in words, but I guess this is the best that I can do.
*| 5:29 AM |*
Monday, March 27, 2006
From time to time, while I am on the car with my dad, we'd see some other driver doing stupid things, like stepping on the brakes when there is no need to, or not moving off when it's ok to do so. Inevitably, my dad will say "Ah, that must be a woman driver".
And when we drive past, I'd then realise that it's a male driver. And I'd remark, "Hey dad, don't forget that your daugher is a female driver too! And who knows, there could be some other guy out there cursing her when she's driving too! So don't pass such remarks!"
That is such a classic example of gender stereotyping. When people meet bad drivers, they automatically assume that it's a woman behind the wheels. It seems that women are always the bad drivers and the men, the good drivers???
*| 5:44 AM |*
